Explaining
World tragedy to Children
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Halller (Fonte
) v.anche
qui
|
Your 6 year
old has just seen video of real children being washed out to sea.
Your teen sits transfixed watching images of people clinging to
trees, mothers wailing as they discover dead children in an endless
line of unclaimed bodies, and babies crying hysterically for their
mothers. At the dinner table your 5th grader asks, “Can anything
like that happen to us, dad?”
How is a parent to respond? What should you say? What should you
do? How do you deal with your child’s fears without increasing
them? Is it possible to reassure your child at a time when you,
yourself, are horrified by the images of intense pain and grief
you see in the hearts and on the faces of parents half way around
the world?
Yes, you are filled with empathy for the survivors who have lost
loved ones, homes, and jobs. Yes, you are extremely grateful that
your children are safe in your comfortable home as the horrific
images continue to flow onto your television screen. And yes,
you can use this incredibly tragic situation to help your children
learn lessons of love, compassion, and of the indestructible nature
of the human spirit.
Once children have seen the images of tragedy and suffering it
is necessary to debrief it with them. The sooner the better. By
debriefing, we mean answering their questions, providing information,
asking questions, and reflecting their feelings.
Provide the scientific information for which they are asking.
Tell your children in age appropriate language what you know about
how nature can create a tidal wave, tornado, hurricane, volcanic
eruption or whatever the tragedy might be. Keep this part factual.
You can even use books or magazines to assist you in providing
information.
Tell your children the effects of the natural disaster. Talk about
the destruction that was created as a result of nature’s fury.
This is a good time to make the connection between cause and effect.
Limit what you say to what was seen on TV or directly questioned
by your children. Too much information at this point can increase
their fright and worry. The goal here is to be brief, accurate,
and provide them with the specific information for which they
are looking. If you fail to give them information, if you fail
to debrief, children’s brains will fill in the blanks. Better
to fill in those gaps yourself with factual knowledge than to
have your children fill them with their imaginations.
Concentrate on feelings. Your children will be seeing a wide variety
of feelings expressed on TV. They will see sadness, panic, grief,
relief, joy, depression, frustration and desperation, among others.
In addition, they will personally be full of unexpressed and often
unrecognized feelings.
When you sense they are feeling empathy, sadness, or pain, say
so. Tell them, “You seem deeply saddened about this,” or “You
sound scared and frightened that this might happen to us.” Children
are starving for feeling recognition and this is a great time
to supply it.
When strong emotion is shown on TV, honor it by talking about
it. Mention the extreme sadness and grief that is shown there.
Refrain from being an adult who ignores the grief of others and
refuses to acknowledge it. Do not treat hurting human beings like
they are invisible. Talk about your feelings. Tell your children
about the sympathy, empathy, and pain you feel for the loss of
others. Allow your children to hear and see you express feelings.
In so doing, you are helping them acquire a feeling vocabulary
that they can use their entire lives.
When you communicate your feelings and honor the feelings of your
children for people around the world, you teach them important
lessons about the human condition. You help them appreciate how
we are all more alike than different. You help them see that we
are all connected, no matter how distant we seem. You help them
learn we are all one.
As you go through this debriefing process, encourage your children
look for the helpers. Helpers always come. There are always people
who step forth to help. In the case of a major tragedy there will
be many helpers, playing out a variety of roles. Point them out
to your children. When small problems occur in their own lives
they will have learned to look for the helpers. There are helpers
at school, on the playground, in the mall, and on the highway
when our car breaks down. Learn to look for helpers and they will
be more likely to show up when you need them.
Discuss with your children how you as a family can be helpers
during this tragedy. Perhaps you can send money, give blood, say
prayers, send love, or call the Red Cross to see what kinds of
items can be donated. Choose one or more ways to be helpers as
a family and allow your children to help implement that strategy
with you. Pray together. Let them observe as you give blood. Take
them shopping for the toiletry items needed by the Red Cross.
Let them help you address the envelope that sends the check. Get
them involved in the process of being a helper. Let them see and
be love in action.
Our deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers go out to the families
directly affected by the most recent tsunami. The scope and depth
of the pain and heartache of catastrophic tragedies like this
are not measurable. Yet, those same horrific events can be used
for good if we help our children learn about feelings, looking
for the helpers, appreciating the connectedness of all human beings,
and the beauty of one heart reaching out to another across the
continents. We can help them learn that around the world is a
long way away and still very much a part of our neighborhood.
|